My Daddy has cancer and it PISSES me off!!!: 2 months to the day

Well today is 2 months to the day. I know that last week I posted about it being 8 weeks, and it was, but 2 months to the day, to be honest it feels like a lifetime ago. When I say that it sounds weird, because it's not that any of my memories are fading, not that the sound of his voice is fading, it's that it seems like such a long time ago that I saw my dad. As many of you know my dad wasn't himself at the end, but he was still my dad! It broke my heart to see him that way. He always had such a brilliant mind, and towards the end, it took everything in him to talk.

Yesterday was Father's Day. Not that I felt like doing anything, to be honest, I just wanted to stay in bed. But of course, I didn't. We were going to go down to Carmel for the day with Mom, Anthony & his family, but we didn't because I really don't enjoy just sitting on the beach all day, it was Scott's first father's day, and I had something else that I wanted to do. Yes me, being selfish :-)

We went up to the cemetery to visit with my Dad. I know my Mom & Anthony usually go on Sundays, but they were going to be down in Carmel. So we went up there. It's such a beautiful place, it's peaceful. Scott and Brody came, and then they went off to explore everything - the grounds are pretty cool. Brody didn't understand it, and when I tried to explain it, he said "good, Papa's better" I told him that he wasn't, he asked why? How do you answer that to a 5 year old? So I told him that his Papa was an angel now, and how cool was that. He told me he didn't want him to be an angel, he wanted him to be here with us. I told him so did I, Donca & everyone else, but that God had another plan. (If I ever figure out what that plan is, he better make sure it's a good one). He didn't love the answer, but for the most part he accepted it, his Papa's an angel.
After that we went to Foster City to check out the bench that I had ordered & installed for my dad. It's along the water, along the path he use to run, he use to walk, he loved being on.
It was beautiful to see it there.

As you sit on the bench, this is what you see. I just love it, you can see the planes coming into SFO, you can see the wildlife preserve between Foster City & Redwood Shores. It's peaceful.

I know that this seems weird to have it pictured~ but I always want to remember yesterday. My first father's day without my father. How can a 31 year old not really think the day would come that her daddy died? The logical part of me totally knew the day would come. But the daughter, the little girl, his little girl.... never thought it would.