what's the latest?

Well it has been a rough week.
On Monday April 7th, 2008 at 5:05 pm, I received a phone call from my Mom that the doctors gave my Dad months to live. What crap is that?
Cancer is a fucked up disease, and it takes over!
Since we've found out on Monday, my Daddy has seemed to have gone down hill so fast. We wouldn't be surprised if it was in the next week or two.
Part of me wants him to go now, so he doesn't have to suffer anymore. But the other part, the daughter part, doesn't want him to go. I'm not ready. Is that selfish? I know he's not the same Daddy anymore, even in the last 2 weeks he's gone down hill, he's not the same. But there is still a part of him that is.
Daddy has a brilliant strong mind! Most of the time these days it doesn't seem that way. But I try and rationalize that he's still there. He's up and down every 10 or 15 minutes - all day and all night. I went to check on him last night around 9:30 and he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I asked him if he needed help up, he said yes. OK. What do you need Daddy? I just need up. OK, lets get you up. Why do you need up? I just need up. But then he wanted to lay back down. I told him to just lay down, and I'd swing his legs in for him. He looked at me and said "this is too much for you sweetheart". It broke my heart is what it did. He laid down, and I kissed him and told him I loved him, he just kept telling me over and over again that he loved me. Earlier before this I had gone in, and just laid with him on the bed, and held his hand. He is such an amazing man.
I'm going up again today - this time I'm bringing Brody and Scott with me. They haven't been coming with me. Mostly it's just something that I needed to do on my own. Yes I know, I need to ask for help when I need it. But like I said this is something that I needed to do on my own. I just needed to be with my Daddy by myself.
Pray for us all.