So my Daddy is traveling. Anthony took him to England last week along with Conor (my nephew) to see the Manchester United game against Liverpool. It was the first time my Dad had seen ManU play live. It was a dream come true. Pretty awesome present for Anthony to give my Dad for Christmas. After the game they flew over to Belfast to visit the family. They are still there, and I believe they are having a great time. Dad is tired, but that's expected. He really hasn't slept since October. They haven't called Mom since Easter, she was a little worried. I did let her know that I received a text from Anthony today, and they were all fine. They fly home tomorrow. Mom is pretty excited to have them home, but I think it has been good for her to have some down time. In Belfast they were staying with Aunt Val (Mom's sister), so they were well taken care of.
I can't wait to hear how the game was, other than they won.
This was truly a game of a lifetime. One that they will always share.
Cheers ~
Julz
XO - Daddy
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Welcome
I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Julz. I am 30 years old, and my Daddy has cancer. My father was diagnosed with cancer in 2001, and it really pissed me off. To know my Dad, you'd know that he ate right, exercised, never smoked, and was not a big drinker. To think, you live life the way you are suppose to, you'll get cancer. Well that's just such a load of crap if you ask me.
So here we are 7 years later, and he's still fighting. Except now I really think he's fighting for his life. I have no way to let all of this out, other then do what makes me feel good. Write. Sure I talk to my BFF's (Erica & Lee) and my hubby. But sometimes it is just not the same as writing what you want and not carrying how you make others feel. Or when they don't really know what to say. My dad's first tumor was the size of a basketball in his stomach. So they took it out, along with half his stomach. Something pretty amazing about the stomach that I didn't know. It's actually like two parts. One part does all the grinding of the food you eat, the other - well stores it. So guess what half they had to take from Daddy? Of course, the half that does the grinding. So now his stomach needed to learn how to do that, how to process the foods he would eat. Shortly after that surgery when he was home, he got an infection. This would have killed him had he not got the hospital in time. There was apparently a smell so toxic, and it was bright neon green, and filled 2- 2liter coke bottles (not really coke bottles, but the same thing). Crazy. So then we were in the clear.
Until..... March of 2004. I was getting married in August 2004, living in LA, family still up in the Bay Area. My Mom called one night, to tell me the news. She didn't realize that Scott was at work. I was devastated. Didn't even know how to process my thoughts. I was 5 hours drive time away, I could make it, not. I was a wreck. Called Scott, told him, and he said "I'll call you right back" WHAT? Was he kidding me. That's it, not getting married to that jerk. Called Lee, who lived about an hour away (if speeding), she was pretty much driving to me, when Scott called to say he was on his way home, had to just call his Sargent. Okay, wedding back on. We talked about it, and would just move the wedding up. Everything would be fine. Daddy & Anthony (big bro) had a doctors appointment to see what this meant. He kept asking if he'd be fine by August if they did something now? Confused the doctor asked Anthony what was happening in August. My wedding, and he wanted to be OK. She said, no hurry, do the wedding, we'll do this surgery after. OK. That sounded OK, right? Well the wedding went on according to plan, for August, all my friends pretty much balled at the father-daughter dance, knowing what we were going through. I have to tell you that I can remember every word my dad said to me during that dance. We danced to Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. I hear that song today, and it still brings tears to my eyes. I don't know what I would have done without my Daddy that day. After he watched that everyone was out sitting, we walked down the stairs to the terrace at the hotel, I of course walk fast, and he told me "go slow, this is your day". (Daddy I love you more than you will ever know.) So the wedding was a hit.
In October of 2004, he would have this surgery, they would do a ChemoWash, where they basically put chemo in his belly, and wash it to get rid of any stubborn seeds. Awesome huh. Much more effective than doing Chemo throughout the entire body, where it doesn't need it.
In 2007, he was having his checkup, and guess what. It's back. You have got to be kidding me. He would have the surgery in October 2007. It attached some to the liver. But not a bad organ, as it is the only organ that can replace itself. So surgery was in action! They came down to tell us they got most of it, but couldn't get it all on the liver, as the part of the liver it was at, was too risky to remove, it could bleed out. My mother freaked. She only heard they didn't get it all. She went into the chapel, I followed a few minutes later, to tell her what they said, she didn't believe me. We came out, and Anthony explained it.
When Daddy was ready for visitors Anthony & Mom went in first, then Anthony came to get me to go in. Can only do 2 at a time. My Daddy looked at me and said "it's been a long say for you sweatheart". Seriously? Me? How about him? Then he told me "hopefully, 3rd time's the charm". I didn't have it in me to say anything, except, hopefully. How could I say anything else. I knew it wasn't.
This time, my Daddy has been having a hard time getting back his life. He was very depressed in hospital, took a long time to recover. They believed they had an option of SIRT (selective internal radiation therapy). So they did it in February. Little side effects expected, but delivers up to 40% more Radiation than normal Radiation Therapy. So I sat with Mom that morning, and Daddy was great after. And seriously, felt fine for about 2 weeks after. Now - he's having trouble sleeping, can't really get over the fatigue, and is depressed. His brain is so active, it's not allowing him to sleep. See what happened is, that after the SIRT procedure, the radiologist came out when my parents were leaving, and told my dad that he had at best a few months to live. I wasn't there. I'd gone home already, because he was doing so great. My mom called me (and of course, Scott wasn't home) to tell me this, it just hit me like a ton of bricks in the stomach. A pain I had never felt before. I felt so bad that on the night he has all this radiation, my mom & dad can't hold eachother. With this news, that's all you want to do. I remember hitting the wall when I came in, and just screaming. Unfair. Totally unfair. They had an appointment the next morning for follow up, when they told the doctor what the radiologist had said, he apologized, and said that was certainly not the case. They were fighting this thing, and my dad needed to fight it to. Even though he was told that was not the case, it's still in the back of his head. I know it is, how could it not be? It's in mine. Everyday. So not that my Daddy is a great sleeper (thanks - me neither), he's got this on his mind all the time.
Thankfully he's going to the Mills Sleep Clinic next week to see what's going on. He's on the strongest sleep pill there is, and takes two, and still nothing.
So what is this blog for? It's for my expressions, it's a way for me to release. I hope that it helps others that are going through the same thing that I am going through. I'd love to hear other's stories, or suggestions. If at the very least, it's away for me to remember my Daddy, what he's going through, and just what an amazing man he is.
Julz
XO - Daddy
So here we are 7 years later, and he's still fighting. Except now I really think he's fighting for his life. I have no way to let all of this out, other then do what makes me feel good. Write. Sure I talk to my BFF's (Erica & Lee) and my hubby. But sometimes it is just not the same as writing what you want and not carrying how you make others feel. Or when they don't really know what to say. My dad's first tumor was the size of a basketball in his stomach. So they took it out, along with half his stomach. Something pretty amazing about the stomach that I didn't know. It's actually like two parts. One part does all the grinding of the food you eat, the other - well stores it. So guess what half they had to take from Daddy? Of course, the half that does the grinding. So now his stomach needed to learn how to do that, how to process the foods he would eat. Shortly after that surgery when he was home, he got an infection. This would have killed him had he not got the hospital in time. There was apparently a smell so toxic, and it was bright neon green, and filled 2- 2liter coke bottles (not really coke bottles, but the same thing). Crazy. So then we were in the clear.
Until..... March of 2004. I was getting married in August 2004, living in LA, family still up in the Bay Area. My Mom called one night, to tell me the news. She didn't realize that Scott was at work. I was devastated. Didn't even know how to process my thoughts. I was 5 hours drive time away, I could make it, not. I was a wreck. Called Scott, told him, and he said "I'll call you right back" WHAT? Was he kidding me. That's it, not getting married to that jerk. Called Lee, who lived about an hour away (if speeding), she was pretty much driving to me, when Scott called to say he was on his way home, had to just call his Sargent. Okay, wedding back on. We talked about it, and would just move the wedding up. Everything would be fine. Daddy & Anthony (big bro) had a doctors appointment to see what this meant. He kept asking if he'd be fine by August if they did something now? Confused the doctor asked Anthony what was happening in August. My wedding, and he wanted to be OK. She said, no hurry, do the wedding, we'll do this surgery after. OK. That sounded OK, right? Well the wedding went on according to plan, for August, all my friends pretty much balled at the father-daughter dance, knowing what we were going through. I have to tell you that I can remember every word my dad said to me during that dance. We danced to Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. I hear that song today, and it still brings tears to my eyes. I don't know what I would have done without my Daddy that day. After he watched that everyone was out sitting, we walked down the stairs to the terrace at the hotel, I of course walk fast, and he told me "go slow, this is your day". (Daddy I love you more than you will ever know.) So the wedding was a hit.
In October of 2004, he would have this surgery, they would do a ChemoWash, where they basically put chemo in his belly, and wash it to get rid of any stubborn seeds. Awesome huh. Much more effective than doing Chemo throughout the entire body, where it doesn't need it.
In 2007, he was having his checkup, and guess what. It's back. You have got to be kidding me. He would have the surgery in October 2007. It attached some to the liver. But not a bad organ, as it is the only organ that can replace itself. So surgery was in action! They came down to tell us they got most of it, but couldn't get it all on the liver, as the part of the liver it was at, was too risky to remove, it could bleed out. My mother freaked. She only heard they didn't get it all. She went into the chapel, I followed a few minutes later, to tell her what they said, she didn't believe me. We came out, and Anthony explained it.
When Daddy was ready for visitors Anthony & Mom went in first, then Anthony came to get me to go in. Can only do 2 at a time. My Daddy looked at me and said "it's been a long say for you sweatheart". Seriously? Me? How about him? Then he told me "hopefully, 3rd time's the charm". I didn't have it in me to say anything, except, hopefully. How could I say anything else. I knew it wasn't.
This time, my Daddy has been having a hard time getting back his life. He was very depressed in hospital, took a long time to recover. They believed they had an option of SIRT (selective internal radiation therapy). So they did it in February. Little side effects expected, but delivers up to 40% more Radiation than normal Radiation Therapy. So I sat with Mom that morning, and Daddy was great after. And seriously, felt fine for about 2 weeks after. Now - he's having trouble sleeping, can't really get over the fatigue, and is depressed. His brain is so active, it's not allowing him to sleep. See what happened is, that after the SIRT procedure, the radiologist came out when my parents were leaving, and told my dad that he had at best a few months to live. I wasn't there. I'd gone home already, because he was doing so great. My mom called me (and of course, Scott wasn't home) to tell me this, it just hit me like a ton of bricks in the stomach. A pain I had never felt before. I felt so bad that on the night he has all this radiation, my mom & dad can't hold eachother. With this news, that's all you want to do. I remember hitting the wall when I came in, and just screaming. Unfair. Totally unfair. They had an appointment the next morning for follow up, when they told the doctor what the radiologist had said, he apologized, and said that was certainly not the case. They were fighting this thing, and my dad needed to fight it to. Even though he was told that was not the case, it's still in the back of his head. I know it is, how could it not be? It's in mine. Everyday. So not that my Daddy is a great sleeper (thanks - me neither), he's got this on his mind all the time.
Thankfully he's going to the Mills Sleep Clinic next week to see what's going on. He's on the strongest sleep pill there is, and takes two, and still nothing.
So what is this blog for? It's for my expressions, it's a way for me to release. I hope that it helps others that are going through the same thing that I am going through. I'd love to hear other's stories, or suggestions. If at the very least, it's away for me to remember my Daddy, what he's going through, and just what an amazing man he is.
Julz
XO - Daddy
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